My experience is that most adults caught up in the throes of family life feel like they are failing. They regularly see awesome families and awesome couples doing awesome things (usually on Facebook) and assume that everyone else has it all figured out while they are struggling to serve a semi-healthy meal or to have a little quality family time.
What most people forget is that while one family they follow on Facebook had a perfect beach vacation, 850 of their other friends did not. While one thoughtful husband made a gourmet dinner for his wife, 400 husbands did not. (Husbands...I would appreciate it if you would stop posting pictures of your gourmet creations. You're making me look bad.)
Add to that the fact that people only put the great parts of their lives on Facebook and it's easy to assume that everyone is killing it at home while your family is barely getting by.
I'm here to prove that this is just not true.
As a service to you, my faithful readers, I have created a thoroughly tested and highly-technical quiz that will enable you to see just how normal you are. If you are honest with your answers, you will hopefully walk away with a little piece of mind knowing that your family is beautifully messed up...just like everybody else's.
So grab a pen and tabulate your answers to the following questions. Choose only one answer for each question. You will find a key to interpret your score at the end.
1. Your two-month old baby is crying. What are you most likely to do?
A. Rush to quiet her before your spouse wakes.
B. Quickly discuss whose turn it is to get her.
C. Give an Academy Award caliber performance of faking like you are asleep.
2. Your typical Friday night date night involves...
A. A movie.
B. A quiet dinner.
C. Tasting samples at Costco.
3. The look and feel of your home decor is most similar to what is found on which of the following TV shows?
A. "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."
B. "Design on a Dime."
4. Your daughter in kindergarten has memorized...
A. Your address and phone number.
B. Psalm 23.
C. They lyrics to every single song in "Frozen."
5. Your children's names...
A. All begin with the same letter.
B. Were inspired by your parents or grandparent's names.
C. Don't matter since you typically call them by the wrong names anyway.
6. What is your plan to pay for your kids' college education?
A. State-sponsored savings plan.
B. Academic scholarship.
C. Scratch-off lottery tickets.
7. One of your favorite things is to climb into bed with your spouse and enjoy...
A. Marital passion and intimacy.
B. Late Night Television.
C. Tylenol PM.
8. Your favorite family attraction at Magic Kingdom is...
B. "Space Mountain."
C. "The Hall of Presidents/Parental Nap Time"
9. The Bible verse you have to remember most as you parent says....
A. "Raise up a child in the way he should go."
B. "Don't exasperate your children."
C. "Thou shall not kill."
10. There is a horrible smell coming from your teenage son's room. It is most likely to be...
A. Simple body odor.
B. A huge pile of unwashed laundry.
C. Half a tuna sandwich that has been under the bed since the Bush administration.
11. Your 7th grader remembers at 8:30 PM that a major project is due tomorrow. Your response is to...
A. Scramble around all night to help him complete it.
B. Let him experience the natural consequences of turning it in late.
C. Expose him to a bacterial infection so he can stay home sick for a few days.
12. You believe the most valuable technological advancement in teaching teens to drive is...
A. The automatic transmission.
B. Rear-view back-up cameras.
13. Your greatest desire for your teenagers is that they...
A. Develop lasting character.
B. Be happy.
C. Leave home.
What Do Your Answers Mean?
Using the extremely complex measurement scale found below, tabulate your answers to determine how normal your family is compared to the general population. The statistics listed are 100% valid. At least I was fully convinced of their accuracy when I made them up.
You actually are that perfect family that the rest of us hate. Please don't tell us who you are, as violence is likely to follow. (Represents 3% of the population)
You are pretty extraordinary. And you probably need to relax a bit. You're making the rest of us look bad. (Represents 6% of the population)
Congratulations! You are normal like the rest of us who are trying to make our families function in this crazy world. (Represents 90% of the population)
Perfect Score of All C's
If you answered "C" to every question, you are in that small 1% of the population that has crossed a line into spectacular weirdness. I would hire an agent and begin negotiations to launch your own reality TV show.
There are Some Real Questions That Need to Be Answered at INFO
If anything, I hope this quiz reminded you that there are no perfect families out there. However, there is a perfect God who wants to come alongside each of us as we seek Him for direction, insight, and power. Stop looking at the "perfect family" and start looking to Him.
While the questions found in this quiz are for fun, there are plenty of realistic questions that families have. Jenifer and I are committed to trying to answer them. With that in mind, we want to invite you to pose any marriage or parenting questions you might have. We will regularly post a "reader question" at INFO for Families and offer a response. Feel free to ask anything, but we would particularly love to hear any questions that you may have developed after reading "The Talk(s)." See below if you don't know what that is.
So start asking your questions. You can email them to us at email@example.com. We will systematically work through them and post our thoughts. We promise to keep things 100% anonymous. So send us your questions, already. Ready, set, go!
*We invite you to check out my new book: The Talk(s): A Parent's Guide to Critical Conversations About Sex, Dating, and Other Unmentionables. It has been developed to assist parents as they help their kids navigate our hyper-sexualized culture. Whether your kids are 6 or 16, it provides practical help to help your kids to make wise choices in a messed-up world.
*We always appreciate it when you share INFO posts on social media. If you want more from INFO for Families, you can subscribe on our home page, like our Facebook page, follow us on Twitter, or even find us on Pinterest.