Young Adult Kid, You Need to Call Your Mother
Author’s Note: These words will probably be read by parents and then (hopefully) forwarded on to their kids. If you’re a teenager or a young adult reading this, know that your parents aren’t trying to shame you into changing your behavior or attitude. They just want you to know how they feel. Perhaps this blog post resonated with them in some way. Please read the following with an open mind and heart. Then call your mom and talk about it. And be nice!
When I left home for college in the late 80’s, my parents gave me plenty of freedom and a few key non-negotiable demands:
Keep your grades up, don’t drink, and call your mother every Sunday night.
Mind you, this was before the Internet so we had no email or texting or FaceTime. Our communication choices were limited to 1) mailing letters and 2) phone calls. At that time, long-distance phone calls typically cost us anywhere between 20 and 30 cents per minute. After 9:00 on Sunday nights, they were as cheap as 15 cents. Per minute. And dinosaurs still roamed the earth.
So that was the deal. On Sunday night, I was expected to call my mom. It was our way of checking in, sharing news about life, and simply re-connecting. As a college kid, I saw these calls as a necessary requirement of riding on my parents’ dime. Looking back now, I see them as an important part of making my mom feel loved and valued.
Young adult kid, you need to call your mother.
Mother’s Day is when we are expected to shower our moms with cards and gifts and to remind them that we love them. I hope and pray that happens this year. But what about the other 364 days of the year?
A Generation of Kids Who Don’t Appreciate Their Moms
I know and interact with a bunch of families, so my anecdotal observations tend to reveal some patterns. One trend that I have noted in the past decade or so is a chronic undervaluing of moms.
There’s an entire generation of older teenagers and young adults who seem to think that they magically became who they are because of their own awesomeness. News flash, kids….you were born as a blank canvas. Someone had to build you and mold you and shape you into who you are. That someone was probably your mom. When was the last time you thanked her for that?
You should probably call your mother.
You have no idea what it was like to carry you and give birth to you. Moms literally do all the heavy lifting of pregnancy and childbirth. Your dad’s contribution is nicely summed up by Jim Gaffigan:
Out of love for you, your mom allowed you to take up residence in her body for almost an entire year. You moved in and changed everything. You have no clue about the pain and discomfort you caused. Sure, pregnancy is beautiful, but it is also very hard. She dealt with morning sickness, back pain, insomnia, and heartburn that could kill. Her body was changed in ways that never bounce back.
The labor she went through to bring you into the world was sort of like pushing a bowling ball through a water hose. I’ve never experienced it personally, but I’ve witnessed it four times. It’s the worst pain imaginable. There’s a reason that God classified it as a curse on women when He kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden. She endured this with joy. All because of you.
Now would be a good time to call your mother.
Your intelligence and strengths and successes….they were paid for by your mom with her very life. Her back is permanently damaged from years of picking up you up and carrying you around on her hip. She will suffer a lifetime of arthritis and tendonitis from doing the daily tasks of motherhood.
Her IQ has dropped at least 15 points from playing stupid games like Candy Land and watching the same lame kid shows with you over and over again. The lines on her face and that grey hair showing up on her head were put there by you as she poured out her life in an attempt to turn you into a descent person. When was the last time you acknowledged this?
Call your mother.
If you went to college (or will one day go to college), it’s likely that your parents helped pay for it. If you don’t know, higher education is unbelievably expensive. You have no idea the daily choices your mom has had to make to deny herself something that would bring her joy (a nice vacation, a newer car, something for her home) in order to pay for your education. When was the last time you thanked her for the sacrifice? Because it’s huge.
When was the last time you called your mother?
As your parents, we are so proud that you are independent and have made your own way. It’s proof that your mom was successful in raising you and launching you. But it still hurts when you don’t occasionally turn your heart back home and take time for a meaningful conversation with her.
Studies show that smartphones have changed the way young minds develop. It makes you less empathetic. Less willing to consider the feelings of others. Less able to connect in deep and meaningful ways.
So on behalf of moms everywhere, I’m begging you: can you please defy the odds and take a break from looking for the quick payoff of “likes” on your Instagram photos? Can you pause and make the selfless decision to stop thinking about yourself and realize that your mom is a real life person with real life feelings?
Her heart is tender and weary from pouring it out for you. On many days, she feels like she’s running on empty. One thing that restores her heart is those moments when she connect with the heart of the person she has given her life to. That’s you.
Don’t text her….CALL your mother.
Right now, you may not fully understand how important this is, but one day you will. One day you will have your own children. They will wear you out and wear you down and they will drain the life from your very soul. You will sacrificially and willingly give your all to them, for that is what parents do.
These kids you will one day have will take from you and they will offer nothing in return. Then you will know what it feels like. And (with the exception of the narcissists out there) you will realize all that your mom did to give you the life you have. You will appreciate your mom more than ever before.
Unfortunately, those years may be far away for you. So you’re going to have to trust me on this: moms are the most undervalued, unappreciated, and uncelebrated people on the planet. If you talk down to her and communicate that you know better than her (or worse, verbally attack her), you need to stop. There’s a reason that God put “honoring father and mother” in the Ten Commandments. It’s a big deal.
But know this: even if you’re nice to your mom but you go weeks and weeks without talking to her, it still hurts. Your neglect and inattention can sometimes be just as painful as a cruel word. And while texting is nice and a comment or mention on Instagram is fun, it’s not the same as hearing your voice.
You’ll probably do something nice on Mother’s Day, but that’s what is expected. Let me challenge you to go the extra mile and to develop a rhythm of regularly connecting with your mom. She needs this from you. She deserves it. She’s certainly earned it.
Next week at some random time, call your mother.